girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
