I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize