We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
