she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
