After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
