I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
