Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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