Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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