69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
