she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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