I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
