I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize