Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
