We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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