Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
