is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hippo gnu deer
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
