There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize