I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
