You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
