I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
