I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
