So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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