Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
