Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
