I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
