Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
