then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
