I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
