i don't like sucking hair
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
