I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
