Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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