Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't turn off my feet"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
