he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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