Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
