"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
