get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
