It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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