She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
