I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
