...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
