I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize