i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
