I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
