You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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