Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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