Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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