Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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