this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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