I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize