My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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