I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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