Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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