this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize