mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
