FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
