The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
