My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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