God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're like the curious george of whores
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
