all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
