So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
