my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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