You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Text me some of your sweat
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
