seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
