i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
