Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
