yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
