I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you had me at cake vodka
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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