Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
