maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im about as happy as oj after his trial
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
