so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
