Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
