if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
