he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
