Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We left the knife in your bed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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