i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
