you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
