What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
